The word “sadist” gets tossed around casually, but it has a specific psychological meaning. Understanding what a sadist actually is can help you recognize one before they cause harm in your life.
A sadist is a person who gets pleasure from causing physical or emotional pain in others. That enjoyment does not have to be sexual in nature, although it sometimes is. The term comes from the 18th-century French writer Marquis de Sade, who wrote extensively about deriving sexual pleasure from inflicting suffering. Over time, the definition has expanded well beyond that original context (Krueger, 2010).
Types of Sadism
There are two main categories of sadism recognized in psychology.
The first is sexual sadism disorder, a clinical diagnosis found in the DSM-5. It describes someone who experiences intense, recurring sexual arousal from inflicting pain, humiliation, or suffering on another person. When those urges cause significant distress or lead to harm, the condition is considered a disorder. It falls under the category of paraphilic disorders, which involve atypical patterns of sexual attraction (McManus et al., 2013).
The second is everyday sadism. This refers to individuals who enjoy causing others to suffer without any sexual element. Research has confirmed that everyday sadism is a real personality trait that exists at subclinical levels in the general population (Buckels et al., 2013). These individuals may not commit crimes or cause dramatic harm, but they consistently behave in ways that cause distress to the people around them.
Sadism and the Dark Tetrad
Sadism is one of four traits that researchers group as the “dark tetrad.” The other three are narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. People who score high on all four of these traits show a consistent pattern of harmful, antisocial behavior (Buckels et al., 2013).
Sadistic individuals often overlap with psychopathic traits, particularly in their emotional detachment from the suffering they cause. Studies show that both sadists and psychopaths share significant deficits in empathy, though the underlying mechanisms may differ (Kirsch & Becker, 2007; Robertson & Knight, 2014). The key distinction is motivation. A psychopath may harm others as a means to an end. A sadist harms others because the suffering itself is the reward.
Understanding this difference matters when you are trying to identify a sadist versus someone who is simply self-centered or manipulative.
Signs of a Sadistic Person
No single behavior makes someone a sadist. But a consistent pattern of the following traits is a strong signal.
They Enjoy the Suffering of Others
The defining feature of sadism is that the person actually enjoys watching or causing pain. This goes beyond indifference. A sadist will seek out opportunities to cause distress and feel satisfied by the result. You may notice that someone seems energized or amused when you or others are upset, embarrassed, or hurting.
They Lack Empathy
Sadists show a notable absence of empathy. They do not connect with the emotional experiences of others and do not feel remorse after hurting someone (Kirsch & Becker, 2007). If you confront a sadistic person about their behavior, they will often be dismissive, minimize the harm, or even laugh it off.
They Are Cruel Without Reason
Many people have moments of insensitivity. What sets a sadist apart is that the cruelty is consistent, calculated, and appears to serve no purpose other than the pleasure it brings them. They may use sarcasm, cutting remarks, humiliation, or psychological games to chip away at someone’s confidence. They are not doing it out of anger or frustration. They are doing it because they enjoy it.
They Seek Power and Control
A sadistic person often uses cruelty as a way to establish dominance. They want to feel in control and will use threats, aggression, or manipulation to maintain that position. The power dynamic is important to them. They are more likely to target people who seem vulnerable or who have a hard time standing up for themselves (Buckels et al., 2013).
They Engage in Trolling and Cyberbullying
Research has found a strong link between sadism and online trolling behavior. Sadists are significantly more likely than others to seek out opportunities to antagonize, humiliate, and upset people online (Buckels et al., 2013). The anonymity of the internet makes it easier to cause harm without consequences, which appeals to the sadistic personality. If someone consistently enjoys stirring up conflict or distress online, that is a pattern worth paying attention to.
They Use Humor as a Weapon
Sadists frequently disguise their cruelty as jokes. They may make cutting remarks and then say they were “just kidding” if called out. Over time, this pattern leaves the target feeling confused, humiliated, and doubting their own perception. The goal is to cause harm while maintaining plausible deniability.
They Show Little Remorse
After hurting someone, a sadist typically does not apologize in any meaningful way. If they do offer an apology, it often feels empty or is quickly followed by similar behavior. True remorse requires empathy, which sadists generally lack. This absence of genuine accountability is one of the clearest long-term signs.
Is a Sadist Always Dangerous?
This is a common misconception. While sadism is associated with some violent offenders, particularly in cases of sexual sadism disorder, most everyday sadists do not commit crimes (Krueger, 2010; Robertson & Knight, 2014). They tend to be careful to operate in ways that avoid serious social or legal consequences.
That said, being in a close relationship with a sadistic person, whether a partner, family member, or coworker, can cause lasting psychological damage. Repeated exposure to cruelty, manipulation, and humiliation takes a significant toll on mental health.
How to Deal With a Sadist
If you recognize these traits in someone close to you, there are a few practical steps worth considering.
Limiting contact where possible is often the most effective approach. Sadists rely on access to their targets. Creating distance reduces their ability to cause harm. Where full distance is not possible, setting firm and consistent limits is the next best strategy. Clear limits that are consistently enforced are harder for a sadistic person to push through than vague or inconsistently held ones.
Seeking professional support can also help. A therapist can help you process what you have experienced and develop strategies to protect yourself.
As for treatment of the sadistic individual themselves, cognitive behavioral therapy has shown some effectiveness in addressing personality-related traits. However, engagement in treatment is often a challenge when the person does not view their behavior as a problem.
Summary
A sadist is someone who consistently derives pleasure from the pain or suffering of others. They tend to lack empathy, use cruelty strategically, seek control, and show little remorse. While not all sadists are dangerous in a criminal sense, their behavior causes real harm to the people around them. Recognizing the signs early gives you the ability to protect yourself and get the support you need.
Sources
- Buckels, E. E., Jones, D. N., & Paulhus, D. L. (2013, September 10). Behavioral Confirmation of Everyday Sadism. Psychological Science, 24(11), 2201–2209. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797613490749
- Jones, D. N., & Olderbak, S. G. (2014). The associations among dark personalities and sexual tactics across different scenarios. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 29(6), 1050–1070. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260513506053
- Kirsch, L. G., & Becker, J. V. (2007). Emotional deficits in psychopathy and sexual sadism: implications for violent and sadistic behavior. Clinical Psychology Review, 27(8), 904–922. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2007.01.011
- Krueger, R. B. (2010). The DSM diagnostic criteria for sexual sadism. Archives of sexual behavior, 39(2), 325–345. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-009-9586-3
- McManus, M. A., Hargreaves, P., Rainbow, L., & Alison, L. J. (2013). Paraphilias: definition, diagnosis and treatment. F1000prime reports, 5, 36. https://doi.org/10.12703/P5-36
- Robertson, C. A., & Knight, R. A. (2014). Relating sexual sadism and psychopathy to one another, non-sexual violence, and sexual crime behaviors. Aggressive Behavior, 40(1), 12–23. https://doi.org/10.1002/ab.21505
- Wu, B., Zhou, L., Deng, Y., Zhao, J., & Liu, M. (2022). Online disinhibition and online trolling among Chinese college students: The mediation of the dark triad and the moderation of gender. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 25(11), 744–751. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2022.0046
Tracy is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is a clinical supervisor for a Community YMCA. Tracy has over 12 years of experience working in many settings including partial care hospitalization and intensive outpatient programs, community agencies, group practice, and school-based programs. Tracy works with clients of all ages, but especially enjoys working with the adolescents.
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