Imagine you are the survivor of a horrible car crash. One day, while you’re walking down the street, you hear a car horn followed by a screeching noise. Before you get a chance to look around and figure out what happened, you feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. Fear paralyzes you from head to toe, and your mind fills with images of the accident in which you were involved not long ago. It may look like you’re overreacting from the outside, but from the inside, everything feels so ‘real’ and overwhelming. And so, you sit there shaking and waiting for something horrible to happen.
Some individuals may experience complex ptsd, which involves chronic trauma and presents unique challenges in emotional regulation, identity, and interpersonal relationships.
For someone with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the world no longer looks like a place worth exploring but rather a minefield where every step presents a risk.
As you can probably imagine, being hypervigilant and ‘on edge’ most of the day is exhausting. In time, and without proper help, those with PTSD will eventually shut down because they don’t feel like there’s someone who can truly understand what they’re going through. Untreated PTSD can lead to debilitating symptoms that make daily life extremely difficult. But part of the reason people who’ve been through traumatic events resort to social isolation is that society often fails to provide them with what they genuinely need.
It’s not out of ignorance or ill intention, but merely a lack of understanding of the difficulties associated with this condition. This manifests in the public services offered to them, the reactions of their loved ones to their condition, and even in how people communicate with them. If there’s someone in your life who’s suffering from PTSD, you can avoid making them feel alienated and misunderstood by being mindful of the way you communicate with them.
Understanding Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after someone experiences or witnesses a traumatic event, such as war, natural disasters, or domestic violence. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, PTSD symptoms can include distressing flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety, as well as persistent, uncontrollable thoughts about the traumatic event (National Center for PTSD, 2025).
Someone with PTSD may also avoid reminders of the trauma, experience negative changes in mood and thinking, and feel constantly on edge or easily startled. It’s important to remember that PTSD is not a sign of weakness; rather, it’s a normal response to an abnormal situation. Trauma survivors, including war veterans and those affected by domestic violence or natural disasters, can develop PTSD. Offering compassionate support and an empathetic ear can make a significant difference in their recovery journey, helping them feel understood and less alone as they navigate this mental health condition.
The Impact of PTSD Triggers
PTSD triggers are cues, such as certain sights, sounds, smells, or even internal feelings, that remind someone with PTSD of their traumatic experience. These triggers can set off a range of PTSD symptoms, including vivid flashbacks, panic attacks, and overwhelming fear, making it difficult to function in everyday life.
For example, sudden movements or loud noises might instantly transport someone back to the moment of trauma, causing intense distress. Recognizing the signs of PTSD triggers, such as changes in behavior or heightened anxiety, is crucial for providing support. Creating a safe and understanding environment can help someone with PTSD manage symptoms and feel more secure. Evidence-based treatments like cognitive processing therapy and prolonged exposure, guided by a mental health professional, are effective ways to address these triggers and support recovery. If you notice someone struggling with PTSD triggers, encourage them to seek professional help and offer your support as they work to regain control over their everyday life.
Things You Should Not Say to Someone With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
1. “You’ll Get Over It”
Whether someone is dealing with depression, burnout, or PTSD, telling them to simply “get over it” will trivialize the severity of their condition and make them feel like they’re not strong enough.
Imagine you are dealing with something so painful that it almost seems unsolvable. At the same time, you keep hearing that it’s nothing and you should get over it. At some point, you begin to feel like you are the problem; you are the one who doesn’t have what it takes to overcome your condition.
It’s important to remember that recovery from PTSD happens at each person’s own pace and should never be rushed or minimized.
2. “You’re Just a Bit Shocked; That’s All”
A traumatic event can send shockwaves for months (even years) after the initial impact. It’s like throwing a rock into a pond. Even though the waves are not as ‘loud’ as the initial splash, they’re still strong enough to disturb the surface of the water.
But the worst part is that if you find yourself in a triggering situation, your mind will (emotionally) reenact the trauma, which can be shocking enough to make you avoid specific contexts or experience intense anxiety if you have nowhere to run. Long story short, people with PTSD are not “just a bit shocked.”
3. “I’m no expert, but I think you should…” (Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice)
Nobody, regardless of the problems they are dealing with, wants to hear unsolicited advice. There’s a good chance that someone who’s going through a rough patch might have already tried what you’re about to suggest.
For people with PTSD, an empathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on is significantly more valuable than any piece of ‘expert’ advice you might have picked off the Internet. While suggesting treatment options may come from a place of care, it’s best to let the individual and their mental health professional determine the best course of action. Just stop at “I’m no expert” because you’re not. All you need to be is a person who can listen and understand.
4. “Maybe You Need to Do More and Complain Less”
Once again, we have a perfect example of an invalidating response resulting from a lack of empathy and understanding.
When you’re dealing with something as emotionally draining as PTSD, there’s little energy left for anything else. It’s not that you don’t want to do more; it’s just that every attempt to get past your traumatic experience feels like a herculean task. Experiencing negative feelings is a normal part of coping with PTSD and should not be dismissed. Patience is a crucial factor during the recovery process, and just because someone is complaining doesn’t mean they don’t actively work on their problem.
5. “It’s Not That Bad”
Sometimes, people think that making a problem seem less severe will somehow take the burden off the sufferer’s shoulders, thus speeding recovery. Although the intention is good, playing down the severity of the problem can backfire horribly. More specifically, you risk becoming yet another person who doesn’t understand the pain and difficulties associated with PTSD.
If you want to provide support to someone who’s been through a traumatic event, don’t evaluate the situation based on your criteria. Listen, understand, and try to see the pain through their eyes. Unless you’ve had the exact same experience, it’s important to avoid making assumptions about how someone should feel.
6. “Others Have It Worse”
Comparing one sufferer to another can sometimes be useful as it sheds new light on the situation. The fact that life could have been far worse represents a glimmer of hope that paves the way for a better future.
But this perspective only works when the sufferer has already overcome helplessness and is making real steps toward recovery. Otherwise, it’s just another trigger for shame and guilt.
7. “Stop Making a Big Fuss About It”
This reply screams frustration right off the bat. It’s the kind of thing that tends to slip out of your mouth when, for some reason, you’re feeling emotionally unavailable, or perhaps you’ve grown tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again.
If you don’t feel emotionally available, perhaps it would be wiser to take a step back for a moment instead of venting your frustration to someone who’s already in a dark place. People with PTSD make a big fuss about it because the pain and anxiety can be truly unbearable at times.
Supporting someone with PTSD can sometimes lead to secondary traumatization for caregivers, so practicing self-care and setting boundaries is important to prevent emotional burnout.
8. “I Have a Friend Who’s Been Through a Similar Situation, and He Got Over It”
Just like “others have it worse,” telling someone with PTSD that they’ll get over it simply because you’ve seen others recovering from the same condition is a faulty comparison.
For starters, one person’s trauma is hardly comparable to another’s. People’s reaction to traumatic events varies depending on their personality, emotional resilience, coping mechanisms, and social support system.
9. “You’re Completely Irrational”
Given that the underlying emotions people with PTSD experience most of the time are fear and anticipatory anxiety, it’s no surprise that rational arguments prove entirely ineffective. PTSD can also cause cognitive symptoms such as difficulty concentrating, which may affect rational thinking (Hayes et al., 2012).
Additionally, telling people that they’re irrational will definitely not make them adopt a rational perspective. It will only deepen their sense of worthlessness and helplessness.
Often, a simple gesture of, “Help me understand why this situation is difficult for you” is far more helpful than saying, “Let’s look at your problem from a rational standpoint.”
10. “You Have to Face Your Fears”
Facing your fears is one of the most effective strategies in dealing with PTSD and other anxiety disorders. Current evidence suggests that both intensive prolonged exposure and virtual-reality augmented exposure can help individuals overcome traumatic experiences (Kothgassner et al., 2019).
However, this process should only take place under the guidance and supervision of a licensed counselor or therapist. For people with PTSD, facing their fears can be a huge endeavor requiring patience and careful planning.
It’s important to remember that facing fears is a gradual part of PTSD recovery, and should be approached with patience, ongoing support, and professional guidance.
11. “You Must Be Really Sensitive”
Given that people living with PTSD avoid contexts that could trigger them or behave ‘strangely’ when confronted with a situation that reminds them of their traumatic experience, it’s easy to label them as sensitive. But this sensitivity isn’t a feature of their identity but a coping mechanism that shields them from further pain and suffering.
Remember that some of them are battle-hardened veterans who could do things that most of us wouldn’t even have the courage to try.
12. “Loosen up a Bit; You’re Too Uptight”
Telling someone with PTSD to loosen up is like telling someone with depression to smile more often.
The reason why people who’ve been through traumatic events seem uptight is that they shield themselves from anything that might trigger that painful memory. For them, loosening up means letting their guard down, something for which they might not feel ready yet. PTSD can keep the nervous system in a constant state of alertness, making it difficult for individuals to relax or feel safe.
13. “Are You a War Veteran?”
Given that a significant proportion of people who struggle with PTSD are soldiers and war veterans, we can understand why this stereotype has taken root.
However, PTSD can result from a wide range of traumatic events. In fact, PTSD can develop after any traumatic incident, not just those related to war. From emotional and sexual abuse, domestic violence, and severe illness to car accidents, the death of a loved one, and natural disasters, any event that shakes you to the core can trigger the onset of PTSD. The best thing you can do is ask before making any assumptions that could put the other person in an awkward position.
14. “Leave the Past Behind”
Unfortunately, it’s not that easy for the human mind to leave the past behind, especially when the past holds something that has shaken the very core of your personality. When something traumatic happens, the brain registers the event to prevent it from happening again. That’s why some memories will stick and remain with us forever.
In short, the past isn’t something that we should forget or put behind us, but understand, accept, and integrate into our experience.
15. “Focus on the Positive”
We know that humans possess a diverse spectrum of emotions, some being pleasant, others less so. But each emotional experience has a purpose and a valuable message that we need to hear.
If we choose to focus on “positive vibes only” (and encourage others to do the same), all we are doing is running away from ourselves. Unpleasant emotions are part of who we are just as much as pleasant ones are.
16. “Let’s Talk About Something Else”
Although being close to people who’ve experienced a tragedy may feel ‘heavy’ at times, it’s vital to create a space where they can unburden their souls. As long as ‘the wound is still fresh,’ trying to change the subject to something less tragic in hopes of lifting their mood will only result in disappointment.
Also, there’s a good chance you’ll make them feel like a burden.
17. “Why Didn’t You Say Anything at That Time?”
Trauma survivors rarely talk about what they’ve been through, especially immediately after the event. It is usually when people notice changes in their behavior that they begin to share their struggles.
On top of that, it’s challenging to be open about something as painful as sexual abuse or domestic violence. Especially when you know that people might not understand what you’re going through, and the authorities might not always have the power to provide proper assistance.
18. “Let’s Do Something Fun”
When you’re having a hard time adjusting to everyday life, fun is the last thing on your mind. Even if you try to do something to take your mind off the problems you face, there’s always that profound sense of imminent threat that’s keeping you from enjoying a fun activity.
Instead of suggesting something fun, try to create a safe space where they can experience a sense of comfort and calm.
19. “Didn’t This Happen a Long Time Ago?”
Asking this question is like saying, “You should have been over it by now.” It’s something you don’t want to say to someone who’s already having a hard time going about their daily life.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, it takes 6 to 12 weeks of psychotherapy for someone with PTSD to achieve recovery (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, n.d.). But keep in mind, this is just a rough estimate. Encountering a PTSD trigger, such as a specific sound, place, or situation, can cause symptoms to resurface, no matter how much time has passed since the traumatic event.
20. “It Will Only Get Better and Better From Now On”
As an outside observer, it’s easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But when you’re dealing with something as debilitating as PTSD, all you can see is miles and miles of tunnel.
Creating a Safe Space
For someone with PTSD, having a safe space is a vital part of the healing process. This means offering a calm, comfortable environment where they feel protected from potential triggers, such as sudden movements or unexpected loud noises. Respecting personal space and boundaries is key; allowing the person to decide when and how they interact with others helps them regain a sense of control.
A safe space can significantly reduce anxiety and stress, making it easier to manage PTSD symptoms and avoid being overwhelmed by triggers. Support groups, whether in-person or online, can also provide a valuable sense of community and understanding, helping to combat feelings of isolation. By prioritizing safety and respect, you can make all the difference in someone’s life, supporting their journey toward recovery and helping them feel less alone as they navigate the challenges of PTSD.
The Importance of Professional Help
Seeking professional help is a crucial step for someone with PTSD. A mental health professional can provide access to proven treatments, such as cognitive processing therapy and eye movement desensitization, which are designed to help manage symptoms and promote healing. Many people with PTSD also struggle with co-occurring issues like substance abuse or other mental health disorders, making professional guidance even more important.
Organizations like the National Center for PTSD and the American Psychiatric Association offer resources and support for those seeking treatment. With the help of a qualified mental health professional, individuals can develop effective coping skills, address underlying issues, and work toward lasting recovery. Encouraging someone with PTSD to seek professional help is one of the most supportive things you can do, empowering them to take control of their mental health and improve their quality of life.
Overcoming Stigma
Stigma surrounding mental illness and mental health conditions can be a major barrier for someone with PTSD, often preventing them from seeking help or talking openly about their struggles. It’s important to recognize that PTSD is a legitimate mental health condition that deserves understanding and support, just like any physical health issue.
By raising awareness and fostering compassion, we can help reduce the shame and isolation that many trauma survivors feel. Support groups and online communities can offer a sense of belonging and connection, making it easier to share experiences and find encouragement. Remember, maintaining a delicate balance between mental health and physical health is essential for overall well-being. Seeking help for PTSD is a sign of strength, not weakness, and by challenging stigma, we can create a more supportive environment for everyone affected by trauma.
Being Helpful in the Healing Process
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a complicated condition with numerous emotional, psychological, and behavioral factors that affect one’s ability to perceive a better future.
So instead of desperately pointing toward the light, try helping those suffering from PTSD navigate through the tunnel until they find their way out.
When supporting someone with PTSD, it’s important to recognize trauma symptoms early, as this can help provide timely support and intervention. Be aware that certain triggers can trigger flashbacks or trigger ptsd symptoms, such as sudden loud noises or overwhelming environments.
During a flashback or panic attack, stay calm, use grounding techniques, and assess for any immediate danger to ensure safety. Having a response plan can make a significant difference in managing these episodes. Encouraging participation in a support group can also be beneficial for both individuals with PTSD and their supporters, offering a space to share experiences and reduce feelings of isolation.
References
- Becker, C. B., Zayfert, C., & Anderson, E. E. (2004). A survey of psychologists’ attitudes towards and utilization of exposure therapy for PTSD. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 42(3), 277–292. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0005-7967(03)00138-4
- Beidel, D. C., Frueh, B. C., Neer, S. M., Bowers, C. A., Trachik, B., Uhde, T. W., & Grubaugh, A. (2019). Trauma management therapy with virtual-reality augmented exposure therapy for combat-related PTSD: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of anxiety disorders, 61, 64–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2017.08.005
- Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2014. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57.) Exhibit 1.3-4, DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/
- Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5™, 5th ed.
- Hayes, J. P., Vanelzakker, M. B., & Shin, L. M. (2012). Emotion and cognition interactions in PTSD: a review of neurocognitive and neuroimaging studies. Frontiers in integrative neuroscience, 6, 89. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnint.2012.00089
- Hendriks, L., Kleine, R. A. D., Broekman, T. G., Hendriks, G. J., & Minnen, A. V. (2018). Intensive prolonged exposure therapy for chronic PTSD patients following multiple trauma and multiple treatment attempts. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 9(1), 1425574. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008198.2018.1425574
- Kothgassner, O. D., Goreis, A., Kafka, J. X., Van Eickels, R. L., Plener, P. L., & Felnhofer, A. (2019). Virtual reality exposure therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD): a meta-analysis. European journal of psychotraumatology, 10(1), 1654782. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008198.2019.1654782
- National Center for PTSD. (2025, November 20). PTSD and DSM-5. U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/essentials/dsm5_ptsd.asp
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. (n.d.). National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd
- Theodoratou, M., Kougioumtzis, G. A., Yotsidi, V., Sofologi, M., Katsarou, D., & Megari, K. (2023). Neuropsychological Consequences of Massive Trauma: Implications and Clinical Interventions. Medicina (Kaunas, Lithuania), 59(12), 2128. https://doi.org/10.3390/medicina59122128
Alexander Draghici is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and CBT practitioner. His work focuses mainly on strategies designed to help people manage and prevent two of the most common emotional problems – anxiety and depression.