The word misogynist is used more often than it is understood. A misogynist is a person, typically though not exclusively male, who holds deep contempt, hostility, or prejudice toward women. Misogyny does not always look like outright cruelty. It can be subtle, charming even, and it frequently disguises itself as protectiveness or tradition. For women who find themselves confused by a partner’s behavior or unsettled by a colleague’s comments, understanding what misogyny actually looks like is both practical and protective.
What Is a Misogynist?
Misogyny is distinct from sexism, though the two are related. Sexism refers to a system of discrimination based on gender, the policies, institutional practices, and social norms that disadvantage women. Misogyny is the emotional fuel beneath it: the contempt and hostility that enforce those norms on a personal level (Manne, 2017).
Philosopher Kate Manne describes misogyny not simply as a belief system but as a mechanism of social control. In her framework, misogyny punishes women who deviate from expected roles, while sexism rationalizes why those roles exist in the first place (Manne, 2017). This distinction matters because it explains why a misogynist may appear to love certain women, those who fulfill expected roles, while treating others with hostility or contempt.
Recent scholarship defines misogyny not just as a belief, but as a practice, a socially reinforced set of negative attitudes toward women that makes unequal power arrangements seem normal (Harrington, 2025). This means misogyny is not simply an individual pathology but a set of attitudes shaped by cultural context, reinforced by social groups, and enacted through everyday behavior.
How Misogyny Develops
Misogynistic attitudes rarely emerge out of nowhere. Researchers have identified several contributing factors, most of which trace back to early experience and social learning.
Early attachment disruptions are frequently cited as a foundation. When a boy’s relationship with a primary female caregiver involves neglect, inconsistency, or emotional unavailability, it can produce a generalized distrust of women that persists into adulthood. The brain learns to associate women with unmet needs, and that association can calcify into resentment.
Exposure to environments that normalize male dominance also plays a significant role. Boys who grow up in households where women are belittled, where gender roles are rigidly enforced, or where female achievement is dismissed absorb those values as normal. When those norms are later reinforced by peer groups, online communities, or media, they become entrenched.
Some psychological research points to anxiety about shifting gender dynamics as another driver, noting that misogyny often intensifies when men feel that social progress threatens their status or privileges (Manne, 2017). In this view, contempt for women functions as a defense: a way to reassert dominance when it feels uncertain.
It is worth noting that misogyny often operates below the level of conscious awareness. Many men who hold misogynistic attitudes do not identify as hostile toward women; they may describe themselves as protective, traditional, or simply honest about gender differences. This makes the behavioral patterns, rather than stated beliefs, a more reliable guide.
Warning Signs of a Misogynist
Misogynistic behavior exists on a spectrum. Some patterns are obvious; others are easy to rationalize or dismiss. The following signs, while not exhaustive, represent some of the most consistent patterns seen in misogynistic individuals. Keep in mind that context matters, and any single behavior might have other explanations. It is the pattern that tells the story.
| Sign | What It Looks Like |
| Unpredictable mood swings | Warm and charming one moment, cold and contemptuous the next, especially after something does not go his way |
| Extreme competitiveness with women | Needs to outperform women in professional and social settings; becomes agitated when women succeed |
| Gaslighting | Questions your memory, calls you overly sensitive, or denies behavior you witnessed directly |
| Double standards | Excuses behavior in men that he finds offensive or unacceptable in women |
| Controlling behavior | Monitors your whereabouts, discourages friendships, restricts your freedom under the guise of concern |
| Sexual manipulation | Uses intimacy as a bargaining chip; shifts blame for problems in the relationship onto you |
| Pattern of betrayal | Lies repeatedly, breaks promises, and disappears without explanation |
He Leads With Charm
Many misogynists are not immediately recognizable as such. Charm is frequently their first tool. In early interactions, they can be attentive, charismatic, and flattering, particularly toward women they find attractive or useful. This initial warmth makes the eventual shift in behavior more disorienting because it contrasts so sharply with what follows.
The charm tends to be strategic, directed toward specific women who fulfill a desired role, while casual contempt is reserved for women who do not. Pay attention to how a man speaks about women who are not present in the conversation. Consistent belittling, dismissiveness, or suspicion of women in general is a meaningful signal.
His Moods Are Unpredictable
One of the most disorienting aspects of being in a relationship with a misogynistic person is the unpredictability of his behavior. He may shift from warm and attentive to cold and contemptuous with very little apparent cause. He will intentionally fail to follow through on commitments, then show irritation when the pattern is pointed out.
This inconsistency is not accidental. It keeps the other person off-balance and focused on managing his emotional state. Over time, women in these dynamics often describe feeling like they are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, unable to relax even in moments that seem calm.
He Uses Gaslighting and Manipulation
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person causes another to question their own memory, perception, or sanity. Research on gaslighting in romantic relationships has found that it often follows predictable patterns: accusations of being overly emotional or sensitive, denial of events the other person clearly witnessed, and redirection of blame onto the person raising concerns (Klein et al., 2023).
In a misogynistic context, gaslighting frequently carries a gendered dimension. A woman’s emotional response is framed as proof of irrationality rather than as a reasonable reaction to poor treatment. Her perceptions are treated as less credible than his. She is told she is overreacting, that she misremembered, or that she is too sensitive to interpret situations accurately.
He Applies Double Standards
A consistent feature of misogynistic behavior is the application of different rules to men and women. A misogynist may find a behavior perfectly acceptable when men engage in it, expressing authority, pursuing multiple partners, and showing ambition, while finding the same behavior objectionable or even threatening when women do it. He may talk over women in conversations, but would not do so with men. He may be reliably punctual for commitments with male colleagues while routinely late to plans with women.
These double standards are not always conscious. They are often absorbed from environments that treat male behavior as the default and female behavior as the exception that requires justification. What makes them misogynistic is that they consistently work in one direction, always holding women to higher or different standards.
He Competes With Women and Dismisses Their Accomplishments
A misogynistic man often struggles to accept women as professional or intellectual equals. He may be unusually competitive in professional settings, particularly when a woman outperforms him. He may downplay female achievements, attribute them to luck or favoritism, or become visibly irritable when women receive recognition.
In personal relationships, this can manifest as consistently interrupting, talking over, or dismissing what women say. He may fail to give credit for ideas that women put forward, or reframe women’s contributions as extensions of his own thinking. Research on gender dynamics has noted that these subtle forms of dismissal accumulate over time and erode confidence and professional standing (Harrington, 2025).
He Controls Your Choices
Control in a misogynistic relationship rarely announces itself as control. It is more likely to arrive framed as concern. He worries about your safety when you go out with friends. He thinks your work colleague seems inappropriate. He feels more comfortable when you check in frequently. Over time, these individual expressions of concern can add up to a significant restriction of freedom.
Researchers who study intimate partner dynamics have noted that controlling behavior in relationships frequently reflects a belief that women’s autonomy needs to be managed by a male partner (Klein et al., 2023). The underlying logic is that women are not fully competent to make decisions independently, which is itself a misogynistic premise. If you find yourself asking permission for things you once did freely, or editing your choices to avoid his reaction, that pattern deserves attention.
He Uses Intimacy as a Bargaining Chip
Sexual manipulation is another common feature of misogynistic relationships. He may withdraw physical affection as punishment, pressure his partner sexually while showing little regard for her desires, or use intimacy as a reward tied to her compliance. Sexual connection in these relationships tends to center on his needs and treat hers as secondary.
This dynamic extends to emotional intimacy as well. Vulnerability is something he expects from his partner but rarely offers in return. He may use personal information she has shared to dismiss or embarrass her during a conflict. This asymmetry, high expectations for emotional openness in her, low accountability for his own, reflects a belief that her interior life matters less.
He Betrays Trust Repeatedly
Misogynistic men often have patterns of dishonesty and betrayal that do not appear random. He may disappear without explanation, return with compelling stories, and expect those stories to be accepted. He may cheat repeatedly, deny it while evidence is present, and ultimately place responsibility on his partner for failing to be adequate.
This pattern reflects a core feature of misogynistic thinking: the belief that women can be deceived and manipulated without consequence. Women are seen not as full persons whose trust has value but as audiences for performance. The betrayals are often compounded by a refusal to take genuine accountability when they are discovered. He may display remorse, but the behavior tends to recur.
Misogyny vs. Sexism: What Is the Difference?
Because the terms are often used interchangeably, it is worth clarifying what distinguishes them. Sexism is a broad category that refers to discrimination based on gender. It includes structural inequalities, institutional practices, and social norms that disadvantage women relative to men. Sexism can operate without any individual intending it; it is embedded in systems.
Misogyny operates on a more personal level. It is the hostility, contempt, or punitive energy that enforces those structural inequalities on the ground. If sexism is the ideology that says women belong in certain roles, misogyny is the reaction that punishes women who step outside them (Manne, 2017). A person can hold sexist beliefs without overt hostility; misogyny adds the emotional charge of contempt and the behavioral patterns of control.
This distinction matters for identifying the behavior. Sexism might look like a hiring committee that unconsciously favors male candidates. Misogyny looks like a colleague who actively undermines women who do get hired, who dismisses their contributions, and who becomes hostile when they advance. Both cause harm, but misogyny tends to be more targeted and more interpersonally damaging.
How Misogyny Affects Women’s Mental Health
The psychological effects of sustained exposure to misogynistic behavior are well-documented. Women in misogynistic relationships frequently report a characteristic constellation of symptoms: self-doubt, reduced confidence, anxiety, and a persistent sense of disorientation about what is real.
Research indicates that women who regularly encounter gender-based discrimination are significantly more likely to develop depression and anxiety disorders than those who do not (Rottweiler et al., 2024). Persistent exposure to misogynistic behavior has been associated with elevated cortisol levels, reflecting chronic activation of the body’s stress response.
The effects of internalized misogyny, in which women absorb misogynistic messages about their own worth and capabilities, have also been studied. Research has found a significant negative correlation between internalized sexist beliefs and self-esteem, with positive associations between internalized misogyny and symptoms of depression, anxiety, and chronic stress (Evteeva, 2024).
For women in misogynistic relationships specifically, the confusion created by gaslighting and inconsistent behavior adds another layer of difficulty. When someone you trust consistently undermines your perception of reality, it becomes genuinely difficult to trust your own judgment. This erosion of self-trust is one of the most lasting effects, and one of the primary reasons women in these situations benefit from professional support.
It is also worth noting that these effects tend to accumulate gradually. No single incident feels catastrophic, but the pattern over months or years can significantly alter a person’s sense of self and her capacity to trust her own perceptions. Recognizing the pattern early is one of the most protective things a person can do.
How to Respond to a Misogynist
Recognizing that someone in your life holds misogynistic attitudes raises a practical question: what do you do about it? The answer depends on the relationship, the severity of the behavior, and your own circumstances. There is no single right response, but there are strategies that tend to be more protective than others.
Set Clear Boundaries
Naming the behavior directly, when it feels safe to do so, is a first step. Not every misogynistic comment or behavior is intentional, and some people respond to direct feedback by making genuine effort to change. Be specific about what behavior is unacceptable and what you expect instead. Vague requests for him to be nicer or more respectful tend not to produce lasting change.
If he minimizes, deflects, or turns the conversation into a discussion of your sensitivity, that response is itself informative. A person who cannot hear feedback about his behavior without making you responsible for your own discomfort is demonstrating, in real time, a pattern worth paying attention to.
Seek Support From a Therapist
Whether you are in a misogynistic relationship or navigating one in the workplace, individual therapy can be valuable. A therapist can help you process what you have experienced, rebuild self-trust that may have been eroded by gaslighting, and develop a clearer picture of what you want and what you are willing to accept.
Couples therapy may be an option if both parties are willing and the relationship does not involve abuse. However, couples therapy is not recommended in situations that involve patterns of emotional control or manipulation, as these can make the therapy setting unsafe or ineffective.
Know When to Leave
Some misogynistic attitudes are deeply entrenched and resistant to change, particularly when the person does not see their behavior as a problem. If repeated attempts at honest conversation produce no change, if the behavior escalates, or if you find yourself constantly managing his reactions at the cost of your own well-being, leaving the relationship may be the most protective choice available.
Leaving is not always straightforward, particularly in long-term relationships or when practical factors complicate exit. A therapist, a trusted friend, or a domestic abuse helpline can provide support in thinking through the logistics and emotional complexity of that decision. You do not have to reach a point of crisis to deserve help.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a woman be a misogynist?
Yes. Misogyny is not limited to men. Women can internalize misogynistic beliefs and act on them in ways that harm other women or themselves. Internalized misogyny refers to the adoption of contemptuous attitudes toward women by women, often as a result of growing up in environments that communicated those messages as normal or true.
Is misogyny the same as being old-fashioned?
No. Traditional gender role beliefs can exist without contempt or hostility. The distinction lies in how someone responds when a woman does not conform to those roles. Traditional beliefs may include preferences; misogyny includes punishment. A man who prefers conventional gender dynamics but treats women with genuine respect is different from one who becomes hostile when women step outside the roles he expects.
Can a misogynist change?
Change is possible but requires sustained effort, usually including therapy, and a genuine willingness to examine beliefs and behaviors that may feel natural or justified. Misogynistic attitudes that developed over a lifetime are not going to shift through a single conversation. Meaningful change requires the person to recognize a problem and actively work to address it. That recognition cannot be supplied from outside; it has to come from within.
How do I know if I am overreacting to his behavior?
This is one of the most common questions, and the fact that you are asking it may itself be meaningful. Gaslighting and chronic dismissal train people to doubt their own perceptions. If you consistently feel confused, unsure, or anxious about whether your reactions are legitimate, that experience is worth exploring with a professional. A therapist can provide an outside perspective on what you are describing.
Taking the Next Step
Misogyny rarely presents itself with a label. It arrives wrapped in charm, framed as protection, and rationalized as tradition. Knowing the behavioral patterns to watch for gives you something concrete to work with: not a set of accusations to level at someone, but a map for understanding your own experience more clearly.
If what you have read here resonates with a relationship in your life, that recognition is a starting point, not a verdict. You do not have to diagnose anyone or make immediate decisions. You do have options: talking to a therapist, confiding in someone you trust, and permitting yourself to take your own experience seriously. That permission, more than any external validation, is what most people in these situations need most.
Sources
- Harrington, C. (2025). Conceptualizing misogyny as affect and emotion. Feminist Theory, 26(2), 147–165. https://doi.org/10.1177/14647001251393824
- Evteeva, M. (2024). Internalized misogyny and its correlates. Journal of Integrated Social Sciences, 14(1), 82–108. https://jiss.org/documents/volume_14/JISS%202024%2014(1)%2082-108%20Internalized%20Misogyny.pdf
- Iñigo, A. (2025). Navigating the manosphere: A scoping review of research on masculinist and misogynist online spaces. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 34(1), 166–192. https://doi.org/10.1177/10608265251357869
- Klein, W., Li, S., & Wood, S. (2023). A qualitative analysis of gaslighting in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 30(4), 1316–1340. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12510
- Manne, K. (2017). Down girl: The logic of misogyny. Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190604981.001.0001
- Rottweiler, B., Clemmow, C., & Gill, P. (2024). A Common Psychology of Male Violence? Assessing the Effects of Misogyny on Intentions to Engage in Violent Extremism, Interpersonal Violence and Support for Violence against Women. Terrorism and political violence, 37(3), 287–312. https://doi.org/10.1080/09546553.2023.2292723
- Srivastava, K., Chaudhury, S., Bhat, P. S., & Sahu, S. (2017). Misogyny, feminism, and sexual harassment. Industrial psychiatry journal, 26(2), 111–113. https://doi.org/10.4103/ipj.ipj_32_18
Tracy is a Licensed Professional Counselor and is a clinical supervisor for a Community YMCA. Tracy has over 12 years of experience working in many settings including partial care hospitalization and intensive outpatient programs, community agencies, group practice, and school-based programs. Tracy works with clients of all ages, but especially enjoys working with the adolescents.