What is a Sapiosexual? | E-Counseling.com

What is a Sapiosexual?

Theresa Smith, CASAC, CRC, LMFT, LPC
September 29, 2018

Sapiosexual sounds like a weird name somebody made up for some sexual fetish. However, it is a real term that has been recognized by the world’s major dictionaries such as Oxford Dictionaries, Merriam Webster, and Encyclopedia Britannica. Sapiosexual has the root of the Latin word “sapiens” as in “homo sapiens.” It’s translated as wise.

Sapiosexuals are people who are attracted to intellect. They are aroused more by a stimulating conversation about a range of subjects instead of anything physical. It doesn’t mean that these people are put off by the human body and don’t experience casual sex without a deep conversation. It’s a sexual preference like heterosexuality or homosexuality.

It’s suggested that sapiosexuals have longer relationships than other relationships. That’s because the basis of their relationships surpassed physical appearances. Sapiosexuals usually date other sapiosexuals. These relationships are usually more intimate. They have deep and emotional conversations about everything that interests them. They value their connection above everything else. In the end, they are closer than some other couples.

Nonetheless, being sapiosexual can have some negative aspects. First, your dating pool has greatly shrunken. Sapiosexuals are very selective when they’re looking for a partner because the intelligence has to be balanced to create harmony in the relationship. If one person is at an upper-level of intelligence or is simply perceived as having a higher intelligence by their partner, it can create tension. The mismatch in the relationship would cause one person to feel less worthy.

Signs that you’re a sapiosexual

Although people have long been attracted to others that are intellectual, experts hadn’t agreed with it been a legitimate sexual orientation. When the term sapiosexual was first coined, some had deemed it pretentious. As time progressed, it is now a distinct category among sexual orientations. Like other less mainstream sexual orientations, people who are sapiosexual are not always aware of it. There are a few signs that you can recognize in yourself and determine whether you are one or not.

1.Prioritize deep conversations over casual sex

Sapiosexuals can have one night stands and may have some relationships that are not primarily based on intellectual attraction. However, it would not be the norm for them. As a sapiosexual, you would feel that something is missing and you’re not getting everything you need from the relationship. You’re more likely to get attracted to someone who is always learning and self-developing. In the relationship, deep conversations stimulate you and can be used as foreplay.

2.Can’t stand poor grammar or spelling

If you can’t stand your partner or potential date continuously using bad spelling or grammar, you might be sapiosexual. You’ll probably let them slip once or twice, but if they keep using poor grammar, it will turn you off. Small things like text messages or notes on the fridge have to be written correctly or you may find yourself focused on the words as opposed to the message itself. Also, you’re stimulated by coherent and smart writings.

3.Crush on people you’ve known longer

When you meet someone for the first time, the only thing you really know about them is the way they look. As you spend more time with them, you get to know their passions and their intellect. Sapiosexuals tend not to be attracted to people upon first meeting them. Some may even find conventional physical attraction boring because it’s not tied to any type of intelligence. However, you may find that you become attracted to someone you originally thought as unattractive. That’s because you get to know them more and know about their level of intelligence. You may find yourself developing crushes on co-workers, classmates that work on a project with you, or your teachers.

4.Aroused by knowledge more than physical attraction

A knowledgeable person is not always the ones with the high IQs. Instead, it’s someone who’s always up for learning new things and evolve with his surroundings. They don’t have to know everything. They may have basic knowledge or knowledge about trivial things. Sapiosexuality varies with people. The type and level of intelligence you’re attracted to are totally up to you. You may like someone who can win a jeopardy game while someone else likes people who remember all the great Shakespearean texts.

5.Appreciate clever texts

Sapiosexuals care more about what others say or write than anything else. When trying to date online, they focus more on the profiles rather than the pictures. When texting, they will appreciate your smart wits, and clever banters.

While sapiosexuality may be a relatively new term, the category is nothing new. If you find that you’re more attracted to someone’s words rather than their looks, you may be sapiosexual. It’s important to know yourself so you can find the best partner for you.

Theresa Smith, CASAC, CRC, LMFT, LPC

Theresa Smith is a relationship expert with over 20 years of experience. She has worked in different areas including clinical work, and more recently a writer. She has a passion for happy relationships and feels that it’s an attainable goal for everyone.

Theresa has several professional credentials centered around mental health, psychology, dating, relationships, and addiction treatment. She has written thousands of articles and many e-books on many facets of dating and relationships.

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