If a couple has been together long enough, eventually they reach a point where one or both begins to question how serious the relationship is. Usually the questions involve whether or not to take a big step in the relationship, such as becoming exclusive, meeting the family, or getting married. Every couple moves at their own pace and comfort level with how they want the relationship to progress. Wherever you are in your relationship, whether it be newly dating to married for decades, there are certain questions you can ask to better know your partner. Asking deep questions can provide insight into your partner and the state of your relationship. Ideally, these questions would be asked early in the relationship. However, it is never too late to ask important questions to know your partner better. Here are eight deep questions to get you started:
What are your core values or beliefs?
Knowing someone’s core values or beliefs can be a great place to start when considering compatibility. Also, it can quickly open a window into the person’s soul. It tells you what is most important to them.
What motivates you?
The goal with this question is to pursue answers beyond the superficial. Sure, most people are motivated by success, but there is usually much more beneath the surface that will reveal their character.
How do you see the world?
This question can bring to light how your partner perceives things in general. It can help decipher what attitudes or tendencies they might have. It can also provide insight into certain reactions they may have to certain events or experiences.
How do you see people?
Their answer will potentially give you an idea of how they view relationships. It can also provide insight into how they perceive expectations when entering into relationships.
How do you see yourself?
This question will likely be difficult for most people to answer, especially on the spot. Ideally, you will get an honest and open response. How someone sees themselves affects the lens by which they view nearly everything and affects the way they respond to others.
What do you want out of life?
While this question is helpful in assessing compatibility, it can be an important question to ask throughout the relationship. Interests and goals can change, so it is important to know if you are headed on a similar trajectory or in opposite directions.
What in life has made you who you are?
This is a very open-ended question that hopefully elicits insightful responses. Not only can the answers help couples know each other more deeply, but they can highlight powerful life moments that contributed to forming the person. They can also shed light on the person your partner is becoming.
What has provoked change in your life for the good and/or the bad?
Although similar to the question above, this question can allow for more clarification. It helps you identify moments that specifically changed your partner. The answers will help you understand who you partner is and allow you to see how your partner views themselves.
These questions can provide a great starting point for deepening your relationship with your partner. Whether you are just getting to know someone or have been together for a long time, it is never too late to strengthen and grow your relationship with someone you care for deeply.
Michelle Overman is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist working as a counselor for students, faculty, and staff at Abilene Christian University in Abilene, Texas. She also has a special interest in working with athletes and has been bridging the gap between athletics and mental health at ACU. She is in the process of becoming a Certified Mental Performance Consultant to further her expertise in sports psychology. Prior to her move to Abilene, Michelle ran her own private practice in Austin, Texas where she worked with a diverse population, including couples and families. Michelle earned a Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy and has been working in the field for 6 years.