Child abuse with no escape.
Inability to earn the job or grades that you want.
Poverty despite tenacious efforts to overcome it.
Betrayal at school, home, work, camp, or elsewhere.
Misery over your appearance, voice or other personal reality.
There are many reasons for feeling angry and they’re not all in our control. There’s wisdom in seeking inner peace despite the anger issues. The challenge is to achieve the inner peace. The good news is that there are as many ways to minimize the problems that anger us, and to find inner peace, as there are people in the world. Hell is tailor-made and so is heaven. They’re based on what we think and feel. Though we aren’t always responsible for the hell we’ve been through, we can create our personal heaven with and without outside help.
The cutting-edge book about incest, Miss America by Day, was Marilyn Van Derbur’s revelation about how often the crime happens, and that it is possible to attain emotional healing from incest and other forms of sexual abuse. The book includes the author’s observation that when someone responds to a benign incident with inappropriate hostility, they might be responding to painful memories instead of the scene in front of them. The phenomenon is known as “anger issues” or “anger management problems” in the mental health world. Those responses are not limited to memories of sex crimes. What Derbur taught her readers and the mental health profession is that the wider world is morally obligated to recognize how easily such crimes are committed, especially by authority figures, and just as morally obligated to prevent the abuse. She also shared insights into the choice to recover from a traumatized state of mind, and some tools for success with that effort.
Handling anger issues is serious, time consuming business with a lifelong payoff. A person able to see the perpetrators of wrong doing as responsible for it, instead of the victim, is at the beginning of a developing healthy perspective. By regarding themselves as innocent (a difficult task for many abuse victims), the victim is able to develop objectivity. The victim can resolve their anger by realizing that the situation was a series of facts and events, not vendettas from heaven or life itself. They become capable of viewing themselves as separate from the perpetrator. Best of all, the victim is able to apply skills for ending their anger, redirecting its energy into positive behaviors and thinking, plus acquiring insights and attitudes about pleasant perspectives.
In today’s world with an incessant refusal to accept one political reality or the other, anger seems to be an acceptable or praiseworthy state of mind. It is not. Hollywood figures who fail to admit that their anti-Trump antics undermine their careers and that mature behave is called for, are poor role models for the public. The ability to accept undesirable realities is one aspect of maturity. Temper tantrums are everything that their poor reputations stand for: immature and counter-productive responses to life. Ethnic groups that pursue and punish others for being different share a groupthink that undermines the pursuer’s ability to thrive let alone the victims’. Time, money and other resources are lost to the expression of unremitting hatred that serves no constructive purpose.
The Mayo Clinic and other mental health resources can help people to control and to end their anger. When you decide that you’re ready to live without the swirl of negative, angry emotions inside you, seek out the solutions that suit your needs.
Yocheved Golani is a popular writer whose byline has appeared worldwide in print and online. A certified Health Information Management professional, she is a member of Get Help Israel. Certified in Spiritual Chaplaincy (End of Life issues) and in counseling skills, her life coaching for ill people puts healthy perspective into a clients’ success plan for achieving desired goals.